so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
