honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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