we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
