That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
