im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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