WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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