I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
