Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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