I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
