I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
