what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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