Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
