Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
