: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
