What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
