i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
as a side note pls kill me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
