She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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