hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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