I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
