Having a random hookup so left but love u
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
