it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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