Michael Bay diarrhea
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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