In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
