How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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