You made me cry and you don't even care
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
