Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
