With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
