genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Terrible idea I love it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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