What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
