Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
