when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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