You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
