Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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