Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
