I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
