i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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