hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
