I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
it's like iHOP with fire
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
