you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
