i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
