Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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