By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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