Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
