he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize