I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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