I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I supernannyed him into submission
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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