Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
