he was CRYING into my vagina
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
