we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
