I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
